Computers Are Just So Hard to Understand!

At least for some people. I’m pretty good with them or so I like to think. So I had to laugh at this long list of computer stupidities.

Here’s one of my favorites:

I was working at a help desk, and, thankfully, my co-worker took this particular call. A man nervously called saying that he couldn’t print his proposal due out that day, because WordPerfect was reporting an error that his fonts were missing. My co-worker told the gentleman that we’d send somebody right up. Apparently there was quite a back log, though, and no one could get there fast enough for him. He had continually called throughout the day asking for his call to be expedited. Finally, at the end of the day, his secretary called and asked, urgently, “Could you PLEASE send somebody up as quickly as possible? He opened the computer with a screwdriver and is looking for his missing fonts.”

I’m actually grateful that I can’t - quite - picture my inlaws ever doing that. Probably in part because they’re afraid to touch almost anything on the computer. I think they finally understand the rule that if they make it, they can safely delete it.

This one is good too:

My mom wanted to make a card for her sister, so I spend over two hours walking her through the procedure.

Me: “Ok, Mom…double click on the icon that says ‘Word’.”

My Mother: “But I want to put the picture on there, with the words.”

Me: “Well, you want to write the words for the card, right? Then we paste the picture on there.”

My Mother: “Well if I was going to use paste and glue, what the hell did I get this computer for?? I’m just going to get paste on everything, and it won’t work anymore.”

That’s getting closer to how my inlaws were at first. They’re much improved now, even if they do come up with the most unusual problems. Things like all their image files going bad one day when they tried to burn too many at once to a CD. Had a discussion about watching file sizes and was very grateful that most had previously been backed up to other CDs.

We’ll end with probably the worst:

Tech Support: “Thank you for calling tech support, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, is this the help desk?”

Tech Support: “Yes sir, it is; how may I help you?”

Customer: (in a very strained and excited voice) “I can’t go to the bathroom!”

Understandably, I was shocked.

Tech Support: “Sir…I am not sure what your definition of a help desk is, but I don’t believe I am qualified to help you with that problem.”

Customer: “You have to. The nearest bathroom is broken, and the toilet is overflowing. I don’t know what to do. Send someone up to repair it.”

Tech Support: “Sir, we only open do troubleshooting on computers, not bathrooms and toilets.”

Customer: “But it’s the same thing!”

Tech Support: “Um, no it’s not.”

Customer: “It is too! It’s repairing things! Now I want someone up here right now.”

Tech Support: “It’s two entirely different things. Computers run on electricity and have hundreds of parts. Toilets run on water.”

Customer: “It’s an emergency! Can you send someone up to fix it?”

Tech Support: “Sir, might I suggest that you use another bathroom?”

Customer: “AGH! I CAN’T USE ANOTHER BATHROOM! I HAVE TO GO NOW! GET SOMEONE UP HERE NOW!”

I put him on hold. For about three minutes. I hate to be screamed at.

Tech Support: “Sir, I cannot. I have no way to do that. I fix computers. Not toilets.”

Customer: (rant, rant, rave, rave)

Tech Support: “I’m sorry, I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Oh gosh…oh my pants!” (click)